Dear Black Men (Who Don't Date Black Women/Femmes)

No one cares. Let’s start there.

So literally yesterday,  I saw a few people share a video from in which Founder and Editor-In- Chief Kimberly Foster responded to a segment on the T.V show Iyanla: Fix My Life. The premise of this episode was to dispel the "angry black woman" myth. This particular segment was talking to black men who intentionally do not date black women.

Before moving forward, why don't we talk about a few of your counterparts:


Here we have Bo. A President Obama wannabe (not even in your dreams, boo) who complains that black women don't know how to "you know, stay in a woman's place." Actually I don't know Bo, but okay.

Say hello to Koro who's feelings are hurt because black women don't want to talk to a "God-fearing man". (I'M SCREAMING)

And lastly, Michael, whose music  has yet to make it off of Soundcloud and is in his feelings because his pretense is suffocating. (It’s funny how the above picture shows my exact expression when I watched the three minute clip).

Let's unpack this, shall we?

So basically these men don't date black women because a few black girls were not nice to them and did not give them attention. 


The thing that annoys me most about you guys is how badly you want us to care. Take for example,  a few days ago, I was walking to work and I saw this black guy and who I assumed was his white partner. They were walking far apart, but once he noticed me, he grabbed her and started walking closer to me and making very creepy eye contact with me. Why are you guys so messy?

Okay what about this tweet?

*What you really need to do is get off of Iyanla: Fix My Life and get casted on Jesus: Fix My Life because something is very…wrong.*

WHY ARE YOU SO PRESSED? Why are you so obsessed with getting back at black women/femmes?

Is it something that we said? Or is it that you're an extremely weak individual with BEYOND fragile masculinity?

Of course I would be lying if I said that it has never bothered me to hear a black guy say that he doesn't date black women. I usually would say I don't care but in reality, it made me feel less than. It made me wonder "what's wrong with me?" Or "damn, even black guys hate us too?".

Anyways, I digress. The sad thing about you guys is that your reason for doing it is almost ALWAYS retaliatory. That and the fact that you are extremely self hateful.

Why does it have to be that way though? You're sad because a black girl did not want to date you in pre school? Maybe it's because you're wack. Maybe it's because you say nasty/weird stuff like women need to "stay in a woman's place". What in God's name is a woman place, if you don't mind me asking? (As you can see, Bo, is clearly my least favorite of the three). 

First of all (well actually maybe tenth of all) if you're anti black, specifically anti-black women, what in the world makes you think that your submissive Becky isn't anti black either? Just because she likes getting piped down by a black man does not mean that she's not racist (same goes for white men who fetishize black women). 

It boils down to this, you hate black women/femmes because you: 1.) hate yourself, #2.)buy into misogynoir, willingly. 

*Also, you give off #AllLivesMatter vibes wherever you go.*

As Kimberly pointed out however, there are also black men who date black women/femmes, but still contribute to and promote misogynoir, so you guys aren't the only ones that could use a good drag.

Now back to the angry black woman thing: 

It's not our job to show you that we're not angry people. There are more pressing matters in the black community here in the U.S and abroad. Have you ever heard of institutional racism, misogynoir, or neocolonialism? Yeah those are just a few. That's all I have to say about that. If you think I'm angry, that's your problem boo. 

Have you considered possible conditions that would make us appear angry? Have you thought about the fact that the same personality traits that you praise in white women are the ones you despise in us?

Also, please stop making YouTube videos and writing essays on Facebook about how or why Becky With The Bad Hair is better than us. We're good, thanks.

Lastly, trust me, losing a few self haters like you is far from a loss.  Thanks and God bless.


*For my fellow black women/femmes, I understand that hearing and seeing things like this can be frustrating, humiliating and at times, triggering. Here’s the things though, I don't know what the solution is to “get over it” or to not care. It;s honestly so damaging to feed into the hate that we receive everyday, but it’s so hard not to.*


Did I cover all the issue areas? Are you Bo’s cousin? Comment below and tell me what you think! 


21 Things I've Learned at 21

21 Things I've Learned at 21

Fall Feature: BrownKrowns

Fall Feature: BrownKrowns