5 Things Fear Made Me Do
1.) Not say sorry
It’s no secret that I struggle with pride, so much so that I can’t even come out and say on this post that I’m a PROUD person. Whenever I’m in the wrong, I literally get terrified of how a person will treat me if I say sorry. I constantly tell myself that if I say sorry, they’ll think less of me and start “disrespecting” me.
2.) Not eat in public
Okay, I know I’m not the only one who feels weird eating in public. I personally hate it, because I feel like people are judging me for eating, and especially what I’m eating. Usually, I’m wrong, but I still struggle with doing it.
3.) Create certain content
It’s very easy to get wrapped up in what people think and numbers and all that other stuff. Usually what I do is remind myself that afrikanrising.com of course is a safe space for people like you, but it’s also my space to speak my truth.
4.) Forgo my plans or dreams
I have literally spent so much time talking myself out of doing so many things. I even talked myself out of moving to Nigeria, telling myself, that I need to just wait until I’m 25, little did I know that God and literally everything/everyone was nudging me to come to Nigeria.
5.) Stop talking to God
A few weeks ago, my Pastor literally called me out during a worker’s meeting and said that God said I treat God like a stranger. At first I was offended, because I was thinking “But God I ask you for stuff all the time”. Well after deeper reflection, I realized it wasn't too off base. I get so scared of talking to God because I feel like God may not do things how I want them to be done (control-freak). I’m afraid of being disappointed or getting my hopes up, so I just stay silent and intentionally disconnect from God. More and more I’m realizing that it’s not doing much for me, but I just suppress the thought each time it comes up, because I’m better off just dealing with it myself. Yes, I’ve know all about God being my confidant, etc trust me, but theory is far simpler than application.
That’s all for now guys. I’m working on this project and I want to get an idea of what you guys think. Please click below for a very short and very sweet survey. Thanks. Love you. Bye.